mother

A mother...a mother is suppose to love
not hate a mother is suppose to hold not
beat a mother is suppose to protect not
hurt a mother is what I never had...instead
I had you...you would hit me you would beat
me down to the ground until i gave in and let
you hurt me i loved you but you just couldn't
understand. the drugs were more important
it was always the drugs that's all i heard you
screaming. I'd watch you from a far watch you
pull at your skin at your hair your nail marks on
your face but i admired you because you were
so cold...but once admiration disappeared there you
would be in front of me and all i could do was hang
my head low cause if it wasn't a beating coming it was
something much more sick...more twisted..she'd say
"I need you to do this for me..." I would never answer
but I knew what would come next she'd grab the pusher
and send me away and what was done to my body only
the crying angels will know. I'd awake on the floor while
she stared at me pulling myself from the floor id stand she'd
slap me back down to the ground "YOU xxx" The sad this
is I'd lay there until she left and I'd get back on my feet and
return to my room...where i use to believe monsters never
crept but they were shadow heroin monsters on my walls as i lay in the
darkness of my room I'd hear her silent screams in my head I'd
feel those dirty hands on my skin and I'd cry myself to sleep...
What else could I do I was only a kid I was her child and she
was my mother.

from: Jan Doe